How do I tell if my loved one has a tech addiction? A quiz.

You might be thinking:

• Is my boyfriend getting addicted to gaming?

• How to deal with a gamer boyfriend?

• Is my husband addicted to porn?

• Help my husband is addicted to gambling?

If you’ve ever googled the above questions, you’ve probably been concerned about your partner’s gaming, pornography or gambling use. You’ve probably experienced some concern and anxiety about their online habits, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, sometimes the family suffers before the affected one acknowledges their own suffering.

Unless you are a mental health professional, it’ll be difficult to diagnose someone without their input. If your loved ones repeatedly struggle to regulate his/her use of porn, gaming, gambling or social media, they could be at risk of developing an addiction. As a concerned partner, you have a unique insight into their issues since you may have seen that person’s habits evolve over time and experience the impacts of their problematic use. It’s also important to keep this in mind since you might be biased to minimize or exaggerate the problem, we’re human after all. So it might be useful to try to take a step back and rely on our observations of behaviours rather than rely on how we feel about the situation (i.e. pain, anxiety and resentment).

Source: Axville, Unsplash

Here’s an informal quiz for concerned loved ones that might flag that their affected significant other might be struggling with an online addiction:

1. Are they very preoccupied with their online activity?

2. Are they struggling to reduce or control their use?

3. Do they neglect important life responsibilities as a function of their use?

4. Does their use affect their work, health, sleep or wellbeing?

5. Are they unwilling, irritable or defensive when you try to discuss their use?

6. Have they escalated their use over time or in response to stress, depression or anxiety?

7. Has their use affected their friendships and significant relationships?

8. Are they hiding, lying or minimising their use?

If you said yes to more than 2 of them, it’s worth having an honest discussion to see if technology abuse is problematic or follows an addictive pattern. Typically, loved ones and family members are the first to observe or experience the negative impacts of online addictions sometimes even before the one struggling with the addiction. Sometimes being placed in this position makes it difficult to have an accurate idea of what’s going on for the one with technology use problem.

My tip to concerned loved ones: Try to have an upfront and honest conversation about the technology use. Commit to having this conversation to be non-judgemental, empathic and try to listen to your loved one’s viewpoint. Express your view of the situation and your concerns so that it is received non-confrontationally (easier said than done). The objective of this conversation is to start a dialog so that you are able to listen, understand their issues (if there is one) and reach a collaborative solution. If it’s the case that they’re severely struggling to control their use and want to change, you can choose to support them towards recovery. There is also the possibility that a pleasant and transparent conversation about their technology use will increase their awareness that their pattern of use is risky. For those whose patterns aren’t ingrained, increasing awareness can sometimes trigger the desire to change.