Why “Potential” is Holding You Back
Today we’re going to talk about how the idea of potential may be holding you back from creating tangible progress in your life.
What is the definition of potential?
There are a lot of definitions of potential - the potential to harm, to achieve and to transform. In the case of today’s topic - potential refers to your belief of your own image of unrealised ability - and how your desire to preserve that image can discourage you from taking appropriate risks in your life.
What is the relationship between the concept of potential and self image?
Your self image is how you see yourself, your abilities, beliefs, and behaviours. A part of that self-image is our perception of how capable we CAN be - as opposed to how capable we ACTUALLY are.
A problem appears when we value the perception of our capability AS important as our actual capability. It sounds self-evident, but you can only become more capable when you reach the limits of your current capabilities. This is when we really understand our own capabilities and what we can do with it.
Isn’t potential an ideal? Aren’t ideals something to strive towards? Isn’t this a good thing?
Yes and no. You can have an ideal self, and it is important to have one. It highlights what you value and your intended achievements. Importantly, it’s having a realistic ideal self that allows you to set goals and helps you to strive towards reducing that discrepancy. Your healthy ideal self shouldn’t discourage you from progressing and enriching your life.
In general, an unhealthy concept of potential is one that discourages you from action because you may fear losing that image of capability. Some people report feeling ashamed or embarrassed at the idea of failing and not living up to their own and others’ expectations. Now we have to examine this carefully - your potential is imaginary. It is a tactical asset if it helps you attempt and ultimately learn how to improve, and it is a disadvantage when we withdraw from a challenge to preserve it.
What are you preserving anyway though?
The act of attempting and getting feedback is the fundamental way of how we learn. Riding a bike necessarily involves falling and being off-balance at the start. Embracing that you will stumble as you improve is CRITICAL to riding a bike and everything else in life. Practice and feedback is how anyone masters anything!
“I am afraid that what I think I‘m capable of is not what I am actually capable of.” Do you have to shatter your self-image to grow? / Why is this so scary?
Some people become so attached to their perception of themselves that the image is more important than the skill. Using the bike example again - it would be the same as not wanting to attempt it, because you want to be seen as someone who could ride a bike if they wanted to.
“I could’ve if I tried” also sounds a lot like “I’m too afraid to realize the limitations of my ability”.
“I’m worried that I might disappoint myself and others if I stumble”
“I can’t deal with the embarrassment of not immediately succeeding in this task”
The paradox is: when we embrace our limitations and realize our weaknesses, we improve dramatically.
The truth can be brutal momentarily, but it is also kind of necessary for progress in the long run. You can’t work on your shortcomings if you’re too scared to find out what they actually are! The a-ha moment is recognising that your image of potential is imaginary. It isn’t a real thing, and it isn’t worth anything. Ultimately, it can actually delay you from engaging in meaningful challenges and receiving feedback for improvement.
If “potential” has the potential to be an unhealthy way of thinking for personal growth, is there a better framework?
It’s not all bad. Potential is a healthy concept to help you have a little faith in your abilities as you attempt challenges in your life. Think of your potential as a mental tool to help you persist and have positive expectations of an outcome. But by itself, potential is without value, if it means inaction.
Source: Vince Fleming, Unsplash
When an archer pulls that arrow back, there is all this potential energy, but the arrow hasn't gone anywhere. You need to aim at something, and all that potential becomes kinetic energy, and in psychological terms, this is action.
If your aim is off, that arrow will fly and hit somewhere you didn’t want it to. That’s ok, that is the process of becoming a better archer, you load up another arrow, learn from your previous shot, pull the bow string and launch again. Soon, you will be a better archer than if you have never launched that arrow.
The more arrows you aim and fire, the more feedback you get, the more adjustments you make, the more you improve as an archer and the closer you are to hitting that target. Can you imagine meeting another archer just pulling their bow without intention to shoot? And the reason they didn't shoot is that they would rather go on record as having never missed a shot because they’ve never even taken a shot? Just standing there, string pulled and just waiting… What a waste of a perfectly good bow.
When we zoom out, we can see that holding on to the image of potential can be a little illogical and unhelpful. The key is to recognise it as something that’s imaginary and that it doesn’t have to be preserved. When we accept that getting good at anything takes practice with repeated corrections, it is much easier to stay motivated to take the important actions and the necessary risks to improve our lives.
I hope this helped you better understand how potential can be unhelpful in taking the difficult - but necessary - steps forward in our lives.