How much porn is too much porn?
Today, we’re going to talk about why you might be addicted to porn, why you might fail to quit porn by yourself, and what you can do instead to successfully quit it.
How much porn is too much porn? Is there such a thing as too much porn?
A better question is “How much porn is too much porn for you?” There is no clinical rule (yet?) to what is considered healthy.
Regardless, it is ultimately up to you. If using porn makes you feel bad about yourself and affects your ability to work, love and enjoy life, then it’s a problem. It’s not about how much - some can use 1 hr a month and find that problematic, whilst some can use pornography everyday and not have a problem with it.
Time spent watching pornography doesn’t automatically make it safe or unsafe. Your attitudes, your beliefs and your moral/ethical code is really important to evaluate if you are consuming “too much porn”. Too much is when it messes with your life. However - if you are in an intimate relationship, your porn use may not be in isolation.
How do you know when your porn preferences are “abnormal” / concerning?
Ask yourself, how do you feel after you consume it? Do you feel shame, frustration, disgust? OR do you feel satisfied, neutral, pleasant? By the way: It’s a clear red flag if it’s illegal.
Do people go to the point where they need therapy for porn?
Well, that depends.
Are you controlled by your urges?
Have you had many failed attempts at quitting?
Has it affected important areas of your life? Like relationships, work, libido, sexual satisfaction, or perhaps to the point of physical injury?
Are you having porn-related thoughts in other areas of your life?
And porn influenced how you see the world?
If the answer is ‘yes’ to one or more of those questions, then they might want to check themselves before they wreck themselves.
Source: Elly Johnson, Unsplash
What’s so difficult about quitting porn?
It's hard to go cold turkey and simply quit. If you have, then congratulations. But if you haven’t been successful - It’s worth understanding why you're struggling.
Online porn is a Supernormal Stimulus It means, it’s beyond your evolutionarily adaptation. It's incredibly difficult for you to get bored by it. Porn as a digital “thing” pushes typical arousal responses beyond anything your brain would expect in the wild.
There’s also The Coolidge Effect. That is, your brain is wired to respond to sexual novelty, it’s hard to be bored of porn when there is always somebody new a click away. Especially when there’s rapid context switching. Having multiple tabs open on your browser allowing you to switch between clips easily is another way that you find yourself hooked
And lastly, when there’s Emotional Avoidance. When you’re using porn to manage stress, anxiety, depression, and relationship dissatisfaction, and you don’t figure out how to deal with the cause or alternate ways to deal with those negative emotions before you aim for a reduction, then you’ll be left in a harder state than when you started. The trick to recovery is to try to make quitting easier and more rewarding than the stimulus you were cutting back in the first place.
How can a psychologist help me with it?
A psychologist can help you figure out how and why you consume porn and how it became a problem (if it is a problem). If it isn't a clinically severe problem, then psychologists can help you figure out how to keep it from becoming one, detect early warning signs, and to ensure general improvement in quality of life to reduce your risk of becoming a problem.
A psychologist can give you the right tools, such as managing urges, challenge your beliefs about porn and sex, and even repair the relationships it has been affecting. Psychologists can help you plan a reduction or abstinence strategy. This means - thinking about how many days, how many hours, and what categories are suitable for you in order for you to manage your porn addiction.
What are the things I can do now if I think I indeed have a problem?
If you already think you might have an issue with porn, try to do the following 2 things:
Regulate your porn use. This means attempting to schedule your porn use, and see if you can stick to it. Alternatively, take a break from porn or reduce the intensity - and see how you respond.
Reflect about your porn use. You can also have a think and assess if porn has affected your functioning - is it impacting your sexual health, erections, how you view sex, others or your partner? Is it the porn you would want to consume?
If you noticed that your porn use has escalated in intensity or frequency past what you intended, and if you it is causing you psychological distress, or it makes your mental health symptoms worse - then maybe it’s worth scheduling an appointment with a mental health care professional near you.
Hope this helped you understand porn consumption habits and to know when there’s reason to be concerned.