Peek from a Cam-girl’s POV
In this video, we're going to exercise some empathy and look at things from the cam girl's point of view. Why is she doing this, what does she have to deal with? Is her reality actually in line with what you assumed?
Hi, my name is Luke Vu PhD and I am a clinical psychologist, mental health expert helping men overcome digital addiction, depression and anxiety.
In our last video we discussed why you fall in love (or addicted) for cam girls and webcam performers. In this video we’re going to exercise some empathy and look from the camgirl’s point of view.
Quick disclaimer, I’m not your psych, and this isn’t treatment; if you need a psych, you should find a registered qualified psych in your area.
Perspective
We have spent the previous videos discussing the how and why one becomes addicted to cam girls. But for now, let's pause and think about the webcam performers' needs and priorities.
First, online sex work is hard work, beyond dealing with the significant social stigma related to the profession. There are also potentially long term consequences of this career path.
Webcam performers are human too. They have ups and downs in motivation and mood just like anyone working a job. Only those who have mastered their craft, work habits and understand their clients become successful.
Here are 5 things from a Camgirl’s perspective that might help you rethink your habit and relationship:
They’re probably not as “hypersexual” as you might think:
Guys like the idea of a hypersexual partner, one that is always ready and willing to engage in sexual activity. But the reality is that there will be many times your camgirl is putting an act on, even if she isn't in the mood.
In fact that’s a gigantic part of her job.
Having the mental fortitude to switch on and act as if she’s in the mood is a prerequisite. There are days where she doesn’t want to perform but she does so because it's her profession. What you might think is a mutually exciting experience for you is likely fake or exaggerated.
This extends further,
There will be many times where she will have to pretend she is turned on by a disclosure or a request that she might personally find extremely uncomfortable or even disapprove of the act. There are days that she might be self-conscious about her self-image and days where she is just grinding through like a regular job. It’s likely that a large proportion of your memories of mutual sexual excitement is her performing as part of her profession.
It’s a business. She’s focused on the financial aspect of the service.
Webcam performers are paid by their patrons and there will be days when it's quiet and days when it's busy. There is always a constant background concern of trying to market, innovate your services and attract or retain more customers.
Ultimately she’s trying to pay the rent, the bills and generate a profit. A familiar username and high spending patterns alleviates that financial burden. If you stop spending money, she’ll be focused on how to make money from you again or to focus on others that are spending money.
It’s an honest transaction, she provides entertainment for a fee and she doesn’t want to really waste time on non-paying customers.
Source: @labunsky, Unsplash
There’s more than one of you. She has to have many clients to be profitable
The math has to make sense.
If she's performing as her primary income, she needs to have several big ticket clients in order for her to webcam full time. Every big client has to feel special, attended to and be willing to collectively fund her needs and way of life. She’ll need to have an audience of 100-1000s and only a fraction of them will be larger tippers.
She would also have an attrition rate of large tippers that needs to be replenished.
She would also need to work hard to retain or reactivate her clients. This could mean initiating contact or activating alerts and notifications.
The reality is, a major part of the job is to manage and fit into multiple online relationships. She is taking notes and figuring out how she can manage you amongst her other clients.
She has to deal with a lot of negative interactions
Webcam performers have to deal with a lot of abusive clients as well. From body shaming, price haggling, insults, verbal abuse and disapproval. Many camgirls will encounter difficult clients that can be emotionally demanding or abusive for example: threats of violence or aggression if they don’t comply with a request or being insulted for having unattractive features.
From their perspective you're a customer that has the potential to turn into a negative interaction and they are prepared to cut ties with you in order to protect their own safety and enterprise. A lesser known issue is that webcam performers will often hear many disclosures or fantasies that might be distressing but due to the financial relationship might feel compelled to feign acceptance and arousal. In addition, webcam performers will often receive sexual requests that are often out of their comfort zone that they will have to manage boundaries with their clients.
Safety is always a concern
She is always on her guard.
Her profession puts her at the risk of all of being discovered, scammed, blackmailed, outed, harassed and stalked. An experienced webcam performer would have seen her fair share of scams.
Think of all the payments that bounce after a performance.
Think of her biggest clients that may have felt like they’ve paid enough for her loyalty and are trying to get her real name.
Think of the emotionally manipulative customers that might threaten self-harm.
She’s dealing with piracy and secretly recorded shows and images being leaked for free.
She’s also mentally preparing to be outed or discovered with the potential of blackmail.
She’s also having to manage the cover story and the narratives amongst many clients.
Think about how much this contrasts from a viewer’s assumption, that they’re as hypersexual and carefree as if on a romantic date i.e. completely focused on you and your dynamic.
The stark reality is that she’s a professional working in a job that has unique and extreme risks and benefits. She’s working hard at providing personal and intimate sexual entertainment for a living. Her occupation is to be the fantasy of many, not just yours. Keeping that in mind might help you think twice the next time you log on.
I hope you found this useful, I’m Luke Vu, be kind be you, catch you next time.